Hey Self, Get Over Yourself. #professionaltimes

I have a confession to make. I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. The stress and uncertainty of my job search is starting to take its toll and even though I just came off of a great job interview this week, the fear of not getting an offer and having to face rejection yet again is eating away at me and making me do uncharacteristic things. My emotions have been so raw and so high that I dug out my old rosary from high school and have been carrying it around and praying for two days now. I weeped like a baby before bed the other night, telling my husband how badly I want to go back to work, preferably to a job I want, not a job I have to take out of financial necessity. I moped around all day on Thursday and for half of Friday and then suddenly, I just snapped out of it after viewing this video:

After those 3 minutes of laughing hysterically, it occurred to me that I was taking myself waaaay too seriously. I can’t beg the universe for something to happen if it’s simply not meant to be. I’m a great candidate for that job, so much so that the Director of that office has had to call the references of all three of her final candidates in order to be able to make a decision. Without those references, she literally would not be able to decide. So, I can’t sit here and think I’m not good enough or that I didn’t say enough or be myself enough. I had a fantastic interview and I’ve made it really hard for this woman to decide and I have to feel good about that. And if I don’t get that job then I’m not mean to be in that office and I have to be ok with that and move on.

Yes, I’m scared that my part time job will end before I have something new lined up but it’s not like I don’t have a working spouse to support me and my daughter in the meantime. We are in good shape compared to other families in which both partners are unemployed or underemployed. It’s ok for me to feel something, it means I care. It’s ok to be terrified that I might not get this job because it means I really do want it and that I felt a connection with the institution. And dammit, it’s ok to have a good cry every once in a while, I mean I slept really well after that cry so I really can’t complain. My point is, I had my moment of absolute down on myself funk and it took a really hairy dude in a bikini singing Call Me Maybe to remind me that it’s not that serious and I need to chill the hell out.

All of the darkness I felt 24 hours ago has dissipated and I’m prepared to handle the phone call next week that will tell me if I have a job or not. Perhaps the extra prayers helped but I won’t dwell on it if they didn’t. It still means I’m on the right track to wherever I’m supposed to end up. Until then, keep sending silly hairy dudes to the youtubes, universe!


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